Today Jordy's Best friend R told me that she was in love with me and I sorta knew it was just Jordy messing with me but I honestly didn't see the joke in it. I love Jordy so very much and it is very hard for me to turn other people down. Not in the sense that I love them in the way I love Jordy but in a sense that I hate having to tell people that I don't love them back. I love Jordy beyond a shadow of a doubt but I don't like to let people down and that seems to be the case with all of my friends. As soon as I started dating Jordy all of a sudden everyone fell madly in love with me. I have broken more hearts in the past three months then I have in my entire life. I feel terrible. All I wanted all the way through 2011 and 12 and now all of a sudden when I'm happy everyone I am friends with has fallen for me. Deja and Chloe my first two real friends in a while both fell for me then Megan. Megan was the hardest on me cause at one point I did like her but I was by no means in love with her. Megan hates me now and I can barely look at her without knowing that I broke her and I put her in the same pain that I was in from 2011 to 2013 then I met Jordy.

             This year has been such a life changer. I fell in love and I was brought to my knees by the seemingly never ending depression. I am still struggling to my feet but this life is really fighting me. I'm in constant fear of losing my baby Jordy. I also am in constant pain from my past. I really fucked up.

             Do you ever stop and think "Damn what happened to me I used to be a happy little kid." The things people are saying to each other just in a general since is the demise of today's youth. We can't keep talking to each other the way that we do. It isn't right and a lot of kids in my generation just don't care and it's scarey. I would blame the parents but no one is listening to there parent. Living in times like this is just shameful. I am truly ashamed of my age just because of the kids my age and the things that they do. I just want to grow up and find a place that I can safely call home. I never want to move my kids. Not ever I want them to go to a good school and I want them to be happy. I cannot stand the idea of my kids growing up in the conditions that I did. I cannot stand the thought of it.

         I want two kids at the most so that I can raise them then when they are grown I want to adopt two more kids and then when they are grown and then two more. I want that life for me and Jordy. Gosh I love her!