Today has been a good day. I realized something. I'm not going to try so hard anymore. I need to just let things happen the way they are gong to happe. There are no second chances in life you never know what you're missing out on. I have a beautiful girlfriend and a great family. I will never let myself fall again. I'm in a state of clarity right now and I never want to forget that I am important and to a lot of people. My sisters Joyzie and Sis and by brother mooose love me as well as my dad. I know I get crazy sometimes but hey if you happen to be reading this you only have to put up with it for two maybe three more years. Then I will be moved out and living with Jordy. I never want to accept all of this love because I feel undiserving. but today I realized I am not worthless and I do deserve a better life.

On a different note. things have been a bit wibboly wobbly and timey whimey for the past few days. I keep hitting these low points in my life but I come out stronger each time I get through one f them. I love myself first and my family and jordan are at a tie for second. Jordan is one of the most important people I have ever met. She is amazing and I am in love with her. I never want to go through what we were going through when we met ever again, but here we are reliving it. But not anymore I want to be a simple kind of girl. I don't want to take the easy route and I don't want to lose all my loved ones due to my illness. I am going to live happily ever after and I am not going to die until I get it.